OUT OF BREATH

breathing
the base of life
core of being
restoration's home

it always seemed to involuntary
i breathed without thinking
i breathed without making it happen
i breathed because it was natural
it is what my body did

then not

breathing was chaos
a war of too much, not enough
without control
controlling me
my body somehow lifeless
with hyperventilated pulses
penetrating to the core
bolts of electric surging
keeping life going
or bringing it to a close

i knew it wasn't the way it is suppose to be
only ever being the same
in the birthing of a kidney stone
decades ago

if but i could gain a minute pause in it all
i might have been scared
but no, it was all about the breathing
feeling numb
just wanting it all to stop

pneumonia they called it
infected lung
o how the verse now took new meaning
the shepherd who restores the soul
breathing for us
breathing with us
breathing in us
life and wellness and all that good stuff

but this was different
it was more of deconstruction
taking me apart a piece at a time
would restoration be possible
for a jig-sawed puzzled life strewn
reckless across the way

it is only now that i am frightened
in this surreal time that follows
as if i came close to no breath at all
and now take recourse from the help
of a new partner
O2 flowing, free and wild
if but i can keep within its pace
breathing the rhthym of life

come shepherd come
i need restoration
the kind that permeates to the soul
bearing what was
into what is to be

breathing in peace
breathing our sickness
into a world 
where breath is not so much
thought about
but simply done

i dare not take breathing for granted
again.